Mookie Riffic

I've was doing real good Sunday. I bought a lot of books and the sound track to The Boy From Oz on line at amazon (by the way, I do have my wish list, and my birthday is on the 15th-lol). And then when at boarders I bought the new Sugarcult CD, Palm Trees and Power Lines. So when I got home from Boarders I was looking through the sale adds when I saw a electric bicycle on sale for $400. I was ecstatic. It was exactly what I wanted! I could get to and fro school on that! Woo pie! No more cheese Wagon!

...

Needless to sat my brilliant plan fell through. This morning mom gave me a lift to Target where I got to look at the bike. Sirens should have gone off in my head the moment I realized that they had it pinned to the wall with those little zip ties. Then when we had to find someone to bring out a box so that we could find out if it was legal (ie. did it have a horn and how fast could it go) the box they brought out was crushed and horribly disfigured.

But I persisted. The box was too big to take home in mom's car, so I decided to just come back later with dad. Okay, sounds good so far right? Right. Well mom suggested going to Pep Boys and seeing what they had. They had one very similar to the one at Target, except in silver. And it was of much better quality. And a hundred dollars more. Oh did I ever mention that it was Me buying this? Not the 'rents.

Well I decided to go for the Target one, and when dad got home we headed out. We got it, put it in the truck, and came home. I was happy. It was all going good. Granted my bank account has about $400 less. We dragged the bike from the box, I wheeled it to the back yard, dragged the box into the back yard. Got the keys from the ignition and started to open the locks looking for the instruction book and the pedals (they weren't attached!). Well the first lock I found was the battery lock, And I put the key in. Turned the key. And nothing happened. The battery was stuck. So I turned the key again. And the battery was still stuck. I put the key back in the up position and pulled it out, and started looking for the next lock under the million layers of bubble wrap. When I finally found the next lock, and held up the key, guess what I saw!!

The key was still attached to the lock.

The little alarms in my head started ringing and shouting "OH SHIT!!" I tried to unhook the lock from the key, and a bunch of little brass-colored metal pieces shot out of the lock, about 6 all over the place. Can you say Crappa? Well I goatherd up all the pieces of the lock, got my key off of it, and took the pieces up into the kitchen and showed them to mom and dad. Dad looked at it and said "I had a car that did that once... It was a FORD". Well, my good day was going down hill fast.

So at that point I put the lock in a plastic baggie and went back down to the bike to find the instruction manual so I could call the company and whine. As I was opening the various compartments (and under the seat compartment and a glove-type box) I didn't find it. But there was no manual and I had yet to find the pedals. I wasn't worried, there was still another compartment (did I mention that every compartment has a lock? None of the others broke). So I took the key, inserted attempted to insert it into the lock. The key didn't fit the lock. Oh my! So I tried the other key on the chain, no go. Neither worked. I asked dad to try, no go, neither worked. So here I was with an electric bicycle, no pedals, no battery lock, no power cord, no instruction book, and 2 worthless keys, and all this for the low, low price of $399!!

I looked on the box and found an interesting sticker. It said "STOP! Do Not Return To Retailer. Call O-URC-RAP-SUCK".

Screw that! Me and dad are taking it back tomorrow and throwing a fit.

Oh and if your looking for a moral... um... never buy a really crappy electric bicycle from Target. They'll steal your pants and then arrest you for indecent exposure (I've been waiting to use that line for a week now).